Frustration and Worship.

On My Way

I am far from grace I am far from truth
I am far from love I feel so far from you

I want to come back home

I am on my way

-Robbie Seay

This is one of those times when I don’t feel close to God.  That’s usually not good for a “pastor” to say, right??  I have been frustrated.  In July, my wife and I ventured away from the safety net of paid pastoral staff and the typical institutional church setting.  I was getting paid fairly well and, financially speaking, there was no reason to leave the context where I was.  I know this is what God has asked of me.

The words of Erwin McMannus are ringing in my ears once again, “we remove ourselves from the context with which miracles can happen.”  There is risk here.  You always think that you can handle any situation but today is my wife’s birthday and I couldn’t really get her anything.  I found myself asking God, why he couldn’t have done this over my Birthday or in a situation where I am taking the bulk of the consequence.  After all, I am the one who made most of the decisions while she has graciously and faithfully followed me.  It’s not a matter of life and death, many others are MUCH worse off, but this was mine to bear.

I can’t even say that God isn’t providing.  In fact, He is providing in exactly the way I have prayed for Him to provide…”give us this day our daily bread.”  We don’t know how or when we will get what we need but thus far is has happened.  It is just like God to ask for us to step into the river first before he pulls back the water for us to cross.  He has gotten us through the summer without real jobs.  He provided a permanent job for my wife as a teacher  and I finally got the call from St. Bernard Parish with a job opportunity that should allow me to volunteer with The Gathering on regular basis.

Even in my frustration, He is good and His love endures.

So I pray to the one that is sovereignly responsible for all circumstances, about the circumstance I am in, to whom my frustration is directed, to be drawn closer to Him. Ridiculous but beautiful.  I want to come back home.

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